“You taught us about strength, commitment, faith, love, friendship and courage.”

“You invited strangers into your home without hesitation and healed our souls.”

“You cherished and held dear all of God’s creations.”

“You taught us so much!”

“You were such a lovely and unselfish person.”

“I will miss your sweet smile and laugh.”

“You had a gentle spirit, a patient kindness, and a selfless concern for others.”

“You were one of the nicest people I ever met.”

“You were a loving and supportive mother;  a devoted wife;  a proud, and caring grandmother.”

“Thanks for all the love and laughs…and for giving me my nerve back.”

“You were my inspiration for life.  You healed my soul.  You made me complete again.  You showed me what strength really means.”

“My gratitude abounds for the lessons you have taught me about strength, grace, humor and generosity along life’s way.”

“You were a second mother to me when I was growing up.  You taught me so much.”

“You were such a positive person.”

“You had such an easy, lovely, and loving way about you.  You had a wonderful voice.  You had a wonderful caring, thoughtful and generous way about you. ”

“God must have played the “Eyes of Texas” when you entered heaven on the wings of the burnt orange sunset.”

Dana Costilow Crisp

It has changed forever.  The things that  I used to believe have been shown to be untrue.  When and where it happened I do not know.  But it has been within the past several months that I have finally realized I was existing in a place that no longer gave me the nutrients to grow.  Somewhere the past gave way to a desire and vision for the future.  The vision is still cloudy but it is being formed. 

As I look at the studies in which I have participated and the insight I have gained in the past several months, I now realize that my way of living the life I was given was not heading toward a path that would sustain my desires for a life lived fully.  I could no longer apply for the jobs the same way I had been doing.  I could no longer depend on my resume or my networking skills to forward my talents.  I could no longer believe that all was well except the economy in our state and country. 

I was on the path of least resistance on a journey in the jungle.  It was time to look for a highway for getting out of the jungle I had made in my life.  It was time to quit accepting that life had to be the way it was and time to make it the way I wanted and needed. 

So here I am…working to develop the skills I have that I am passionate about sharing.  I am creating a new way of approaching life’s daily lessons and the long-term possibilities found in life. 

I will step on the other side of the unknown to try to clear the vision for my life.  I will not go alone but with the prayers of friends and family.  They we keep me tethered on a path to my goals and visions.  They will fortify my courage, remind me of the passion, and applaud each small step in my path.

They had their dreams.  They still have dreams although altered from early childhood desires.  One of the most amazing things for me to take in as their mother is the pursuit of their dreams.  They have travelled far and wide, lived far from home, worked night and day, given up social events and other activities in the desire to achieve their dreams.  What mother would not be proud to watch this tenacity taking place with her children?

They know who they are.  They are sensitive, responsible, and caring members of society.  They do not hesitate to help a friend or colleague or even a stranger in need.    They are creative and loving.  They are helpful.  They are counselors to their friends.  They work hard at their jobs, and at play.  They are kind and generous.  They are all the great things a mother could wish for her children.

And they know me.  They know me in a way that no one else ever has.  They know how to drive me to the brink of insanity and push me to the depths of my soul.  They open me to new and amazing things that I never knew existed.  They are the driving force in my veins.  They are my hope for the future.  They are my energy of my heart.  They are my children…and I celebrate their lives, their dreams and the joy they have given me!

• People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.
• If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives.  Be kind anyway.
• If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful  friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.
• If you are honest and sincere, people may cheat on you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.
• What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.
• If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.
• The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.
• Give the world the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.
• In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between and you and them anyway.

I wonder how often I have touched others with my words or my volunteer work.  I wonder how many times I have let that opportunity to reach out go past me.  Was hurrying to the store really more important than stopping to finish the phone conversation?

This note made me realize that each of us is hurting in some way.  We all  need someone to listen to us, encourage us, and stand by us, if only with thoughts and prayers.

And so I let the job application sit for a few more minutes.  I hit reply to send my thoughts, my love and my prayers.

Have you ever heard a song performed by more than one artist?  Think of your favorite song by the Beatles and google it.  You can probably find many artists singing the words of the songs.  And if you listen, you will hear the differences.  The various musicians may change the order of the notes, the timing of the notes or the arrangement of those notes.  You will no doubtedly choose your favorite version of the song.  What will make you choose one version over another?  Is it how the song is performed by the artist?  Is it the way the music draws you toward it and fills you with the passion of the artist?

It is the same way with each of our lives.  It is how we arrange those 12 notes in our daily living that lets others see us for who we are.  It is the imaginative way we arrange the notes.  It is the creativity in the way we arrange the notes.  It is the passion that we bring each day to our lives in everything we do that makes our music and our lives a true gift to others.

A personal board meeting?  Did I need to find a chair, secretary, and treasurer?  Who would I ask to serve in that way?  Did I need to come up with an agenda and post 72 hours in advance?  Then it was explained to me.  A personal board meeting with me as the only person present.  All I had to do was set up a time and show up with my notebook.  And so I did.

Early one evening I sat with a glass of wine, my favorite music playing, and my journal in front of me.  As I sat there contemplating the vision for my organization-ME-I was perplexed.  What was it that I was living my life each day to accomplish?  Why did I make the decisions that I made throughout each day?  Did they help me accomplish what I wanted?  What achievements would I need to make this year to say that my goals for the year were reached, to feel successful at this time next year?

And so it went for well on into the morning hours that I plotted the reasons for my life in the coming year.  I found my vision.  I set my goals.  I set my objectives for meeting each goal.  I decided how and where to give of my precious time and money.  I decided some changes that needed to be made in my life in order to achieve my goals. 

I decided to live.  I decided to do the things that needed to be done.  I decided to do all the good that I could each and every day.  And I decided to let the future unfold around me and embrace the adventures and experiences that were presented.

Happiness comes from within.  Our happiness is our own responsibility.  No one can make us be happy.  Certainly someone can do special things for you that you enjoy in an attempt to bring you happiness, but it is your choice to respond with happiness.

There are times when I have turned flips, cooked gourmet dinners, given gifts or one of many other things in order to make someone come out of their “funk” to find happiness.  I have sometimes seen smiles after these attempts.  I have sometimes seen nothing change.  And that is because of something that I have heard and read, but I think has finally sunk into my hard head.  I cannot make anyone happy except for myself. 

It is up to me to be happy in my circumstances.  It is up to me to find happiness in the world that surrounds me.  It is up to me to make my own happiness.  If I cannot find happiness inside myself, pity the poor person/s who might try to make me happy.  The only way I can find happiness is inside myself, not from the outside world. 

Before I put my feet on the floor in the morning I try to find that happy place inside of me…a place where my heart feels cleansed, where joy abounds, where I know that my spirit is ready to face whatever I might encounter during the day.  And before I enter the dream world at night I try to go back to the things that have kept my heart smiling throughout the day.  Sometimes it is difficult.  How many job rejection notices is this?  Sometimes I struggle.  And why do you recommend that I get new tires after 40,000 miles?  And where do you propose I find the extra money for that?   But these battles inside my heart only lead me back to the fact that happiness is an inside job. 

Find your happy place.  Cling to it.  Take care of it and you will take care of yourself.

It is with these thoughts and other exercises in the book that I have lived for the past several months.  At least weekly I read through my list of desires.  I assess my progress or lack thereof.  I add to the list.  I share my accomplishments and my fears of accomplishments with the group.  But always the list is there.   And it is through this list that I have come to more clearly understand the process of achieving life’s wants and desires.

I have learned that when something is not accomplished, you start over.  There is always learning in failure, perhaps more than in the actual achievement.  I have learned that we do not accomplish a lot without others surrounding us with their support and care.  I have learned that cheering on others can help lead to our own accomplishments.  And I have learned that while I am placing the foundation and building upon it, what I am working towards is  the accomplishment of my goal. 

I am often asked, “What is it that you do?”  Looking for a job, searching…probably not the right answers.  Through the process of this book and the group with whom I study I have learned to say, “Let me tell what I am going to do.”  Perhaps that is the greatest step toward achieving my goals.

At this point last year I made my new year’s resolutions…most of which have not come to fruition.  But last year as I burned my bayberry candle on New Year’s Day I did not know the unseen gifts that I would experience. 

The joy of a daughter in love and committing herself to her love. The laughter and tears shared among friends celebrating the life and courage of a special friend.  The times spent with family on adventures to new and familiar places.  The beauty of the golden leaves on Colorado’s Rocky Mountains.  The healing that would gradually begin to take place in my heart and soul.  The people who I have had the opportunity to touch in so many different ways.  No, I knew none of this would happen.  And maybe that is best. 

Today I will burn my bayberry candle once again.   I will eat my black-eyed peas to bring me good luck in the New Year, as so many of us do in the south.  And I will make a few resolutions.  I will live a more balanced life in 2011.  I will participate fully in life in 2011.  I will enjoy the wonderful adventures that await. 

And I will be ready when unseen gifts of 2011 cross my path.

“A bayberry candle burned to the socket brings food to the larder and gold to the pocket.”

 We don’t know what life will bring, so it is what we bring to life that matters.