While teaching a lesson to my Sunday School group last week I was struck by their answers and observations. What was normal for their peers was what they wanted to be normal for them. They were concerned about what others in their school said, did and thought was “normal” for middle school children. Having raised my own children, I realize that this behavior is normal for a middle schooler, and it even carries on to high school and college. And yes, many adults are more worried what their friends and colleagues are doing and saying in order to do what others perceive is the right thing.
It made me wonder…when do we start thinking about what is normal, or right, not for others but for each of us alone. We can get preoccupied with how we are different from our friends and then attempt to be like them. We want to “keep us with Jones”. But we are each distinct. We each have unique pasts, unique experiences. We have different families. We have traveled differing roads. We have made different mistakes in our lives. And based on these differences our perspectives are different. Our thoughts and reactions are unique.
Some people live their entire lives based on the expectations of others. Some live according to what their parents expect, their boss expects, or their spouse expects. Their lives are seemingly written in the lines of a play and they put on award-winning performances to fulfill the expectations of the one they perceive has written their part in the play of life. I have played the part of who others expected me to be.
But now it is time to close the cover to the play in order to be who I really am. I must embrace my past. The glory, the mistakes, the hurt I have caused and the hurt that I have felt by not living up to the expectations of others that all make up who I am. It is time to welcome who I really am. It is time to be me with all my weaknesses, blemishes and shortcomings. But I will also blend with those flaws my strengths, desires and might. I will be the person that I am supposed to be; the person I am supposed to be by no ones standards but God’s.
Posted by Anna Brindley on February 10, 2010 at 11:53 am
I still struggle with this even though I “know better”…. I have even been so bad as to consider decorating my home the way I thought a few friends would expect me to… I felt I should consider their taste… It is kind of embarrassing and I am not even sure how I got to that extreme at one point.
What would your life look like if you took all of the others expectations (real or fabricated in your own mind) away??? It is a GREAT question.
Love this Post! Thanks for making me think about this again, especially as a new parent.
Posted by CB on February 10, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Good post. This is what the Dark Side of the Light Chasers is about…embracing all of ourselves.
Posted by Tommy Harrison on February 14, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Portions of this posting remind me of Scott Peck’s, “The Road Less Traveled”. I read it a long time ago but it made a difference in my thought process. Thanks for reminding me of that.
As for teaching youth, I’ve been involved in the education of dental students in the subjects of practice management and ethics. It is challenging to find ways to present the information without coming across as a “know it all”. When you stand behind a lecturn and go through a power point it’s almost like your preaching and that’s not the best way to get the message across in regard to life’s lessons.
Your students are fortunate to have you as a teacher. Someone who is insightful and caring enough to consider where they are in life and trying to let them know the importance of finding the right road on their own.
Posted by John Carlisle Moore on February 26, 2010 at 3:40 am
This one has some resonance with me. How much time have we spent trying to fulfill the expectations of others? How much time walking down the path that someone else pointed out to us as the right way out of the woods? Knowing, of course, we can get none of that back. All we can do is pack our experiences with us as we continue to walk, and hope that we are wiser as the moon rises on yet another day.